"This will all make sense when I am older
April 6, 2020
It's been a hot second, but I figured there was enough going on at home to update you. I officially finished up my MTC Online training on Friday, and getting to enjoy both the physical MTC compared to the Online MTC training experience was very unique and a testament of the gift of tongues, as well as the Holy Ghost. My cute Momma calls herself the Cafeteria worker and has done her very best to make our home, 'just like the MTC.' When the MTC told us we were needed at home, I didn't think that meant helping my brothers with their math homework.
Just as the dust was finally beginning to settle, the winds of change decided to change. Again.
The Church released a new statement last week about the fate of missionaries in their individual circumstances. Unfortunately that outcome affected me. In this statement, we were informed that if you are still undergoing MTC training you won't be allowed back into the field until April 30th, at the earliest. The guarantee that you will even be needed in your original assignment isn't even solidified. Once your missionary training was completed, it was necessary that you would be released since there was no certifiable date when you could make it out in the field.
Honestly, it took several days to come to terms with this new decision. I had a rightetous desire? Didn't God see that?
I felt like Rylee from the movie, Inside out. Joy and Sadness were fighting inside my head, battling for control. But! It's ok not to be ok. It's just not ok to stop trying, stop progressing. God ultimately wants us to have joy, especially through our trials, but that doesn't mean we aren't allowed to feel what we feel. John A McCune put it beautifully that, " even in our deepest trials, we can feel the warm embrace of His love as we trust Him and accept His will. We can experience the joy reserved for His faithful disciples, for Christ is joy." For Christ is JOY!!
Eventually through lots of prayer, scripture study, and General Conference (Blessed General Conference, blessed Primary answers) I've come to realize that I may not know God's plan for me, but I know that God knows His Plan for me. I'm really starting to understand why God's timing can be so frustrating now.
My righteous desire is just being fine tuned right now. This time is a blessing in disguise to continue to learn and grow, in quarantine in my own home, as opposed to a strange apartment with a strange companion. This time isn't about me, it's about Jesus Christ and His sheep! "The Lord's invitation to let our light so shine is not just about randomly waving a beam of light and making the world generally brighter. It is about focusing our light so others may see the way to Christ," and that is ultimately my goal. I may be released, but I sure am not done being a missionary! This will most likely be my last email until I'm out in the field, but THANK YOU to everyone who has supported me throughout this wild journey. As of Sunday, I am released, but my desire and faith to serve is stronger than ever.
John 16:33
Dios te ama y yo te amo,
Macy:)
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